How it all came to be

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I have spent two weeks at the Bonks’ house in the Czech Republic. I’m actually here! Time seems to be going by slowly. Now I want to think back on what brought me here.......

I went with the Hawkins and Kate to Hawaii over the 4^th of July. After my big trip with Laura, to Australia for New Years 2008, I was very open to going to more places, seeing more new sights, and I thought going with those who are already familiar with a place was the way to go. It’s why I decided to do the Hawaii trip, along with the Hawkins’ generosity. While in Hawaii (my vacation from my second summer housesitting at the Bonks’ Nashville home), I heard, via email, they would probably be moving to Philadelphia, PA for the next season. However, upon arrival back home I had another email waiting saying their plans had changed and they had a better offer to go to Russia. Upon getting their visas Jill and the kids would be traveling to meet up with Radek in Russia until just before Jill’s due date (she was pregnant with twins!). Then, she and the kids would be returning to Czech for the delivery of the babies and decide ~January if they were more comfortable staying in Czech for the next 3-4 mo.s and Radek would travel back and forth to visit, or they would go back to Russia until the end of the season. It was all a big, scary change and decision for them too, and for me, if I decided to accept their offer to come live with them and help, as a nanny, with the four children. (I had previously nannied for this family a year ago).

My initial reaction was one of great excitement. I was excited to be able to see new things and experience new cultures and I knew this would most likely be my only opportunity to go to these places-especially with what Doug referred to as “a royal treatment”/God? rolling out the red carpet for a cross-cultural ministry opportunity. Afterall, if ministering to people is anything like “serving” them, then that’s exactly what I’d be doing for this family, for sure! (Note: I don’t feel like a “servant” at all. I feel like another member of the family ~the big sister, and am just doing what needs to be done, like any other (adult) member of the family would do.) Plus, beyond the amazing travel adventures I would be financially compensated for my time and efforts. They wanted to pay me in equivalence to what I would make if I had been able to secure a teaching job and stay in Nashville instead. Another benefit-I wouldn’t be scrambling, yet again, for another place to live, other people whose house I would have to crash in, and another couple of part-time jobs to work until I found a direction to go in. My parents would store my things, my car would be sold, and I would have living accommodations (room and board) in both Czech and Russia.

I replied via email to the Bonks, sharing with them my initial reaction, but also stating that I’d, instead, ideally like to remain in Nashville and secure a teaching position-but, that if nothing came up by the time they needed a final decision from me-and after I talked to my parents and people in my church family about the decision, then I would go.

The next ~4 weeks were a crazy, gut-wrenching, decision-making time. I immediately emailed my church “mentor”, my “Nashville parents”, pastor, and my Missouri parents (I called them) and a couple of close friends. I pounded the pavement pursuing any teaching job leads I could find. I began reading and researching about the two countries. I tried to remain open about either future possibility/decision and tried to imagine myself doing both. Initial reactions from family and friends were not positive except for one couple and my sister, but as I knew more details and kept sharing my thoughts in the process more and more support came through. I tried to use prayer, scripture, wise counsel, and “open door/closed doors” as my means of deciding.

My Dad began to think how neat it would be that I would be returning to my “Faust roots”. They were Germans (from what village, we don’t know) who had migrated to Russia near the lower Volga River because excellent farmers were needed there. They lived and worked in Russia until coming to America in the early 1900’s. My aunt and grandma were excited for me ~for world experiences and what future opportunities it might open up for me. I thought about that too. When I came back I could the use the money I had earned (along with what I have saved) to make my Nashville life/pursuits happen; go back to school (again!-but, I don’t mind, I love being a student!) to get my masters, purchase a new (used) car, and eventually when I do get a teaching job put a down payment on a condo. The supportive couple from church saw ministry opportunity through relationship-building with this family, and my friends also began to see and be inspired by my enthusiasm (well, not everyone, to this day =) I also sought out a handful of people I knew who had recently had European living experiences to pick their brains and have them tell me the reality of what I would be facing.

Also, I would read random scripture after praying about my decision and was led to places such as; Isa. 54 which talks about “a barren woman” singing and shouting for joy ~maybe producing spiritual children for God’s kingdom and having the opportunity to “enlarge the place of her tents, stretch the curtains wide-not holding back-lengthening her cords, for she would be spread out to the right and to the left and her descendents would dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities……”Your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is His name-the Holy One of Isreal is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth.” This was really meaningful to me especially since I had just gone through a time/intense struggle giving over those womanly and maternal desires to God’s will. And Isa. 55; “For my thoughts are not your thoughts; neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord…..my word, that goes out from my mouth will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out with joy and be led forth in peace”…..This hit home, comforting me with promises that I could trust God even when my life circumstances, to me, don’t make any sense and are pretty much nothing that I had envisioned for myself. It gave me peace to remember and trust in His purposes for everything in my life-good purposes.

My church’s main objection was that I was going out on my own and not being sent by authority and with accountability, and I fully admit that this, along with feeling like “am I abandoning my church?”, were my main-and really only-objections myself-especially after I did fail to secure a teaching job. Yet, at the same time not everyone in my church felt this way and didn’t agree that that was what was happening in this circumstance and thankfully, through modern technology, I knew I could stay connected as much as possible to my authorities and accountability partners while I was away. I could even keep up with the Sunday morning messages and know what God was doing currently in our family by listening to their recordings online. I did also seek out our church’s international connections to find resources in both countries and to investigate church opportunities.

When thinking of going so far away alone this “just God and me” theme reminded me of when I felt I should move to Nashville (with no one), on my own, and I looked up the scripture that had comforted me that night alone in a scary motel on the outskirts of Nashville that I found in a Gideon’s Bible in the bed stand; Isa. 41:10- “So, do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”…..”For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” God had done many wonderful things in me the following eight years, and I knew He would be with me in this too, because I knew my heart was to do what was right. I still can’t really rectify my shared beliefs that you should be “sent out” by those in authority over you in the church with what I did, on my own….except to think that this is a short-term mission and I am scoping things out here and my purpose is to serve this family. I do believe the best option to do “evangelism/ministry” in a foreign place like this would be with a team who’s aligned in vision and purpose, who will be a support and encouragement for each other-but for some reason, my situation is different. I perhaps should mention that I already had some sort of idea what it might be like living with the family. I had previously stayed in an apartment with them for a weeks’ vacation and had also lived in their Nashville house with them for a month, so I had a fairly good idea.

The teaching doors were closed. My heart, what I was reading after praying, along with the hearts of those around me, were turning towards this opportunity. –Still, the night before I was to pick the Bonks up from the Nashville airport and I knew that I would have to give them a final decision-I was freaking out!! I went to a bookstore to purchase “learn Czech, learn Russian” and “about the countries” materials and I would pick them up and start to go to the check-out then turn around and put them back. I couldn’t “commit”. I finally made myself purchase them! I called all my friends, hysterically crying, begging them for prayer, (which they were already offering on my behalf). I just wanted to make the right decision and follow God’s will for me. This also reminded me of my move-to-Nashville experience. I was either in my car in the mall parking lot before my “2^nd interview” (that secured a job and me staying in Nashville) or it was following the interview and I was freaking out, crying begging God “am I doing the right thing? I don’t know for sure. Is this where You want me?” Some say you are to have a peace about something before you decide upon it. I believe that too, but I think first it always requires faith and faith is “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”. ….a leap of faith….Faith to me is trying your best to figure it out, then trusting that God is sovereign and that if your heart is to please Him and do what He wants you to do, then it will be done, and you can’t “thwart” His plans. I prayed and thought through my fears and realized I was only afraid of these three things; “fear of commitment”, “fear of change”, and “fear of the unknown”. Everything else would be fine and I knew Who was in charge of my future and the unknown (to me), and knew that I could trust Him, so then every time I would start to get worked up again, I would mentally go through it …..-What am I afraid of? -Commitment, change, and the unknown, so there is no real reason to fear. (This is an aside-but, I’ve always been so wonderfully provided for. I’m very fortunate and very grateful. I know God’s sovereign and I have nothing to fear.)

The final test was when I picked Radek and Jill up from the airport. If I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach, then I would have to decline, but if I felt at peace and an excitement about it, then I would commit. Well, I had a good reaction. We had such fun talking about all they had seen when visiting Russia and discussing what it would be like. Still, I couldn’t tell them that evening. I waited until the next morning and after feeling good about it again I told them, “I do hereby commit to this adventure”. Jill was so excited and so thankful. My plane ticket was purchased. They even said that they were going to pay for my two week return at Christmas-time (which was something I was dreading having to ask about and then didn’t even have to!). I had two weeks until departure for eastern Europe.

Another aside- I also knew this would be very difficult and I would probably feel a lot of times like I did crying in the Nashville mall parking lot. I knew I would have times of loneliness and thinking “am I sure I did the right thing??!!??” I knew adding infant twins to the mix, on top of being in two different countries where I know nothing-including the languages!- would be hard. I know it’s all part of the package. But, fortunately, so far, it’s been great and I’ve had a very easy adjustment (after I got my stomach and intestinal tract adjusted =)

So, that’s my story, for all posterity-and for me, to remind myself how to make a big decision and remember God’s faithfulness as I look back on this time in my life. (My mom said I should write it all down for that purpose-to be able to look back and once again testify to God’s good sovereignty and purposeful plans). In addition, Doug was very gracious to take on the selling of my car, which was quickly and financially successful. So much prayer support came in, even my parents church in Missouri was praying for me and proved it by giving me a “prayer quilt” that some of the ladies had made just for me. I felt so blessed. I remember shortly before I left I had a private yoga session with my friend Kate and I almost felt overwhelmed with blessings and support. All the loose ends were tied up, I said my “until we meet agains”, and I was off! And, the rest will be history.